UK Top 10 Chart Update – 14 March 2012

Top 10 Reaction: Wow, who is buying this stuff?

For the first time ever, twoguysreviewstuff are reviewing the ten best-selling singles of the week! Instead of going into detail of every song, I will provide a few sentence sum-up of how I feel about each song. How interesting! Let’s find out how shit this week’s music is…

1. Gotye feat. Kimbra – Somebody That I Used To Know

Atrocious song: Repetitive, boring, awful sounding guitar chords, with vocals sung by a boring Belgian-Australian man who I’m hoping never has a hit in the UK again.

3/10

2. Alexandra Burke feat. Erick Morillo – Elephant

Like nothing she’s given us before, actually surprising from the previous X-Factor winner. Sweet electro production from Morillo, creating a great track for the club-scene, just pretend your not listening to an X-Factor artist.

6/10

3. Nicki Minaj – Starships

Trololol, I can’t even take her seriously, is she meant to be taken seriously, I fucking hope not, why does she always put on that strange Posh-london accent, is it meant to be sexy? Surprisingly this song has a pretty badass drop, I’ll be looking for the instrumental to this later.

5/10

4. Emeli Sandé – Next To Me

You know how everyone loves Adele? I get this with Sandé, she’s one of my favourite female artists out there. Adele – 10 stone + Funk =  Sandé.

8/10

5. Flo Rida feat. Sia – Wild Ones

I don’t actually know anyone who likes Flo Rida. I like Sia’s vocals, and everything else about this song I dispise. I can’t believe I actually had to listen through it all. BTW do you notice how Flo Rida’s been stealing everyone’s ideas recently (Putting Sia on a track right after David Guetta releases his track with her, getting the Good Feeling sample on his track right after Avicci releases his? Hmmmm…)?

3/10

6. David Guetta feat. Sia – Titanium

I know we just talked about Guetta getting his ideas stolen by Flo Rida, but hasn’t he stolen this riff from a fairly unknown song called Every Breath You Take by a small time band called The Police? No, just me who recognises it? Fair play. Again, I kind of like Sia’s vocals, and the house instrumental is not bad.

5/10

7. DJ Fresh feat. Rita Ora – Hot Right Now

Everyone’s gotta love the Fresh-meister! No pun intended, he is literately the UK’s hottest producer right now. He’s literately a landmark, being the man responsible for the UK’s first dubstep No. 1 (Louder) and drum & bass No. 1 (Hot Right Now). Not gonna lie, I prefer Louder and his earlier track Gold Dust, but this isn’t half bad either.

7/10

8. StooShe feat. Travie McCoy – Love Me

Clever thinking, Warner. Signing an all-girl band the same year the first ever girl band wins the UK Factor. Wannabe Little Mix’s, that’s all I’ve got to say. Awful feature by Mr. McCoy too.

2/10

9. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj – Turn Me On

Guetta and Minaj make another appearance with this half-decent song. The instrumental is standard Guetta, which I guess is good if that’s your thing. A bonus on this track is that Minaj isn’t a total freak as always, and actually does some “serious” singing (not too serious though – she is singing “Turn Me On” after all…).

6/10

Ok, wait, I’ve just hit the 2:50 mark, and she’s introduced her stupid rap voice. Knew it was too good to be true. Let’s lower the rating…

4/10

10. Tinchy Stryder feat. Pixie Lott – Bright Lights

Tinchy Stryder is literately the funniest man I have ever seen. Who does he think he is, seriously? He looks an absolute joke. Has anyone actually ever seen his eyes? I’ve only seen him wear sunglasses. Silly song, silly-er lyrics (“Let me tell you when to take it down, this is the part where the song breaks down” – oh, is it, Mr. Stryder? Why thank you for letting me know that!) Pixie saves this with her insanely good looks and slick voice.

6/10

Let’s have a screen-shot of her, from the video, just to brighten things up.

Ahh, that’s much better.

Overall Verdict: A pretty shit mid-week chart update, let’s hope it gets better next time.