UK Top 10 Chart – 1 April 2012

Top 10 Reaction: Meerrr... Not too bad.

I know it’s a few days late but I had to warm myself up to this review, due to previous week’s top 10 I prepared for the worst. So, let’s see what’s cracking in the charts this week.

1. Chris Brown – Turn Up The Music

Despite Brown’s past, he is a very talented guy, however, this song is pretty standard (like most pop songs), ‘four on the floor’, boring backing music and very repetitive. Don’t really know what else to say about it except it’s nothing special and definitely not a new sound. To be fair Brown is a pretty good singer and an awesome dancer.

A very generous rating of:

6/10

2. Sean Paul – She Doesn’t Mind

Erm… NOT A FAN! Very boring and dull song how this made number 2, for 2 weeks running and over 40 Million YouTube hits is unbelievable, so well done to Sean Paul because quite frankly this should never have happened and better not happen again! Then again, I’ve never really liked Sean Paul but that’s just me. Just to reinforce the comment last week about his head, it is the true definition of a meat head.

1/10

3. Nicki Minaj – Starships

Throw your mother fucking hands up! Wow I actually quite like this song, pretty catchy in every department (except drums, but only I care about that). Just makes me think of Ibiza or somewhere like that. The guitar at the beginning is actually pretty decent sounding, her voice is a bit weird but that’s standard Minaj so get over it. It’s not musically challenging, although I think it does the job.

7/10

4. Katy Perry – Part Of Me

As stated last week, definitely not Perry’s catchiest tune to date, but it’s alright. Everything that needed to be said about this song was said last week. Just one last point, to be honest, I don’t really like it, it’s what I call a ‘Nothing Song’: nothing stands out. No worries though, Katy Perry is awesome, and hope her next hit is more exciting and we get to see a little more of her than we did in this video… If you catch my drift.

5/10

5. Gotye feat. Kimbra – Somebody That I Used To Know

This song is good! I don’t know why guy number 1 doesn’t like it. It has a Xylophone for god sake! No songs these days use Xylophones (that I’m aware of)! I first heard this song off Mark Hoppus from Blink-182’s Facebook page. I was oblivious to how popular the song was. It’s a nice change from the same old shit in the chart, and it’s an extremely catchy chorus. I believe this song will still be around in years to come, unlike anything else in the chart which will be long forgotten by Christmas.

Buy this song!

8/10

6. Plan B – iLL Manors

Good song. Dark strings start the song and a pretty beefy drum track continuing throughout. Not sure if he’s trying to make you feel sorry for the people in council houses/slums, but the song goes on about mugging people and rioting, I think there must be an underlying political meaning. Despite this, it is a sick tune and I would definitely purchase it, Plan B is a sick singer/songwriter and the best thing about him is he’s British and from London, hope this song is higher up next week.

7/10

7. Flo Rida feat. Sia – Wild Ones

All I have to say is… Fuck off Flo Rida, you’re boring mate. Been in the top 10 for way too long.

1/10

If your music taste is that bad here is the iTunes link anyway.

8. David Guetta feat Sia – Titanium

This song is better than Wild Ones but still boring and just not a good song. I feel sorry Sia, she’s got a great voice but featuring in terrible tracks. Well, I’m not too sorry for her, she is in the top 10 twice after all. Like Flo Rida, David Guetta is getting boring.

4/10

9. Labrinth – Last Time

Did anyone see Labrinth perform ‘Earthquake’ on The Jonathan Ross Show? It was pretty awesome! Thank god he didn’t perform this terrible song. I don’t like it, would never chose to listen to it and hope it drops out the charts a.s.a.p.

2/10

10. Emeli Sandé – Next To Me

Well at least we finish on a good note. Great tune, another different song from the rest with no synths and auto-tune this time: this is true music. A must have song. I don’t have it yet but I’ll get it now.

7/10

Overall Verdict: I think it’s better than the past 2 weeks, however still not too impressive. Well lets hope there’s even more improvement next week.

UK Top 10 Chart – 25 March 2012

Top 10 Reaction: It's shitter than last week?!

Last night was an interesting night for me. I sat listening to Radio 1, waiting for the Top 40 to reveal itself, praying Gotye would be knocked off the top by a much more talented, interesting artist. But alas, once Gotye was revealed to be at the no. 3 spot, Mr. Reggie Yates stated that the no.1 would go to either lyrical genius Sean Paul (“Sean da Paul, all zee gurls, all da gurls”), or the beautiful polygamous Katy Perry (“I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it”). You can obviously tell who I hoped would reign on top, and fortunately Ms. Perry won the chart battle. Did she deserve it, though?

1. Katy Perry – Part of Me

Yes she did. Sort of. This catchy tune doesn’t stand out compared to her previous works, I’d rather listen to I Kissed A Girl or Hot N Cold any day of the week, however it is still a good hit for her. Just don’t watch the music video. It’s weird, doesn’t really make sense, and un-sexy. We’ve all had breakups before, but they haven’t made us decide to randomly join the Marines. We know you’re sad and all Katy, but the Marines? Really? Unless you used to have a crush on your Action Man, you won’t find this sexy.

In my opinion, this look is nearly as bad as when she aged 100 years in her last single. Nearly.

6/10

2. Sean Paul – She Doesn’t Mind

Utter Shit. Sean da Paul’s sporting a new 2005 footballer’s haircut, which just re-inforces his abnormally large head. The song does nothing for me, standard 4 chord song. It’s meant to be a club record, however there’s no actual drop, there’s nothing. There’s a chorus, then a verse, then a chorus, then another verse, then a chorus, then the chorus repeats, then the song ends. I waited nearly four minutes, for what? Whoever spent money on this shit, I feel embarrassed for you. Genuinely I do.

1/10

3. Gotye feat. Kimbra – Somebody That I Used to Know

Oh yay! It’s still on our radios!! No. Get it off now. At first I didn’t like the song because it didn’t entertain me. Now people are actually whistling/humming/singing it where ever I go, pretending that it’s in any way “catchy”. No, it isn’t. You’re lying to yourselves. Stop lying to yourselves! Now I hate this record. I actually hate it, because more people are loving it. Get it off radio. Now.

2/10

4. Labrinth – Last Time

Producer-wise, I used to believe that Labrinth was very skilled. His singles with Tinie Tempah were very good, and, along with his other gems such as Ms. Dynamite’s Neva Soft and his own Earthquake, I thought he would eventually become one of the most sought-after producers in the world, never mind the UK. However, this song has made me despise him. It literately sounds like a cheaply made 2007 one-hit wonder. It’s atrocious. It’s horrendous. Don’t listen to it. Certainly don’t buy it.

1/10

5. Nicki Minaj – Starships

This song’s actually growing on me. If I treat Minaj as a purely joke artist, I think I may be able to enjoy her music. It’s just during her singing choruses, she starts to act serious. In my opinion, she needs to stick to one or the other. This reason makes me not like her. Mainly because I can’t understand her. Does she treat herself as a joke, or does she taker herself seriously? Aside from this, I’m quite liking this song.

7/10

6. JLS – Proud

Just when you thought you couldn’t be more of a sell-out than joining a boy band and competing on X Factor, the most fake TV show in history, JLS choose to record a song for Sport Relief (on a sidenote, is Sport Relief even a charity? Or is it just a shit version of Comic Relief? If I’m going to give to charity, I want to be entertained in the process, that’s why I love Comic Relief. I don’t want to see people sweating, or running, or swimming. That’s very boring. We’ve got the Olympics coming up, I’ll go watch people sweat then thanks). They couldn’t even make a song themselves, they had to nick the piano riff of Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting. Go have a listen for yourself.

 

See what I mean? Standard cheesy balled. JLS are shit. We all know this. Lets move on.

2/10

7. David Guetta feat. Sia – Titanium

It’s ok, but this song’s getting boring now. In fact, the whole David Guetta sound is getting boring now. Roll on a new house producer, please (Not Labrinth, he’s shit now).

5/10

8. Flo Rida feat. Sia – Wild Ones

Wild Ones is like Titanium, but shit. And if Titanium is already a bit shit, that makes Wild Ones disgustingly shit. Like, really-really-baaaad shit. Like no-one-should-ever-hear-this-song shit.

2/10

9. Emeli Sandé – Next to Me

I love a bit of the Sandé. I actually bought her album, because of how good this and Heaven are. If you like this song, you should get the album too. It’s sweet.

8/10

10. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj – Turn Me On

Yeah, this ones good. It’s a lot like Starships. In fact, now listening to this, I can’t really remember how Starships goes. They both sound the same. Electro-dancey Nicki.

7/10

Overall verdict: It’s shitter than last week! How did that happen? Next week, we’re all hoping for something magical. And also that Sean de Paul Labrinth drop out of the top 10. Fingers crossed.

*Disclaimer* These are the views of one of the two guys, not the other. Guy no.2 has told me to say this. He likes Gotye, for some apparent reason.

UK Top 10 Chart Update – 14 March 2012

Top 10 Reaction: Wow, who is buying this stuff?

For the first time ever, twoguysreviewstuff are reviewing the ten best-selling singles of the week! Instead of going into detail of every song, I will provide a few sentence sum-up of how I feel about each song. How interesting! Let’s find out how shit this week’s music is…

1. Gotye feat. Kimbra – Somebody That I Used To Know

Atrocious song: Repetitive, boring, awful sounding guitar chords, with vocals sung by a boring Belgian-Australian man who I’m hoping never has a hit in the UK again.

3/10

2. Alexandra Burke feat. Erick Morillo – Elephant

Like nothing she’s given us before, actually surprising from the previous X-Factor winner. Sweet electro production from Morillo, creating a great track for the club-scene, just pretend your not listening to an X-Factor artist.

6/10

3. Nicki Minaj – Starships

Trololol, I can’t even take her seriously, is she meant to be taken seriously, I fucking hope not, why does she always put on that strange Posh-london accent, is it meant to be sexy? Surprisingly this song has a pretty badass drop, I’ll be looking for the instrumental to this later.

5/10

4. Emeli Sandé – Next To Me

You know how everyone loves Adele? I get this with Sandé, she’s one of my favourite female artists out there. Adele – 10 stone + Funk =  Sandé.

8/10

5. Flo Rida feat. Sia – Wild Ones

I don’t actually know anyone who likes Flo Rida. I like Sia’s vocals, and everything else about this song I dispise. I can’t believe I actually had to listen through it all. BTW do you notice how Flo Rida’s been stealing everyone’s ideas recently (Putting Sia on a track right after David Guetta releases his track with her, getting the Good Feeling sample on his track right after Avicci releases his? Hmmmm…)?

3/10

6. David Guetta feat. Sia – Titanium

I know we just talked about Guetta getting his ideas stolen by Flo Rida, but hasn’t he stolen this riff from a fairly unknown song called Every Breath You Take by a small time band called The Police? No, just me who recognises it? Fair play. Again, I kind of like Sia’s vocals, and the house instrumental is not bad.

5/10

7. DJ Fresh feat. Rita Ora – Hot Right Now

Everyone’s gotta love the Fresh-meister! No pun intended, he is literately the UK’s hottest producer right now. He’s literately a landmark, being the man responsible for the UK’s first dubstep No. 1 (Louder) and drum & bass No. 1 (Hot Right Now). Not gonna lie, I prefer Louder and his earlier track Gold Dust, but this isn’t half bad either.

7/10

8. StooShe feat. Travie McCoy – Love Me

Clever thinking, Warner. Signing an all-girl band the same year the first ever girl band wins the UK Factor. Wannabe Little Mix’s, that’s all I’ve got to say. Awful feature by Mr. McCoy too.

2/10

9. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj – Turn Me On

Guetta and Minaj make another appearance with this half-decent song. The instrumental is standard Guetta, which I guess is good if that’s your thing. A bonus on this track is that Minaj isn’t a total freak as always, and actually does some “serious” singing (not too serious though – she is singing “Turn Me On” after all…).

6/10

Ok, wait, I’ve just hit the 2:50 mark, and she’s introduced her stupid rap voice. Knew it was too good to be true. Let’s lower the rating…

4/10

10. Tinchy Stryder feat. Pixie Lott – Bright Lights

Tinchy Stryder is literately the funniest man I have ever seen. Who does he think he is, seriously? He looks an absolute joke. Has anyone actually ever seen his eyes? I’ve only seen him wear sunglasses. Silly song, silly-er lyrics (“Let me tell you when to take it down, this is the part where the song breaks down” – oh, is it, Mr. Stryder? Why thank you for letting me know that!) Pixie saves this with her insanely good looks and slick voice.

6/10

Let’s have a screen-shot of her, from the video, just to brighten things up.

Ahh, that’s much better.

Overall Verdict: A pretty shit mid-week chart update, let’s hope it gets better next time.